Falling
and Getting Up
originally posted at https://writerswhokill.blogspot.com/2020/05/falling-and-getting-up.html
I’ve
had a few life-altering experiences, as I’m sure most of us have. The most
devastating ones have made me feel like the floor has been yanked out from
under me. There was no stable place to walk. The earth beneath my feet had
opened up and shown me a deep, dark abyss. Nothing was familiar.
That’s
what it feels like when I go into depression. When I come out, I realize that
there are still colors, and sounds—like birdsong and tree frogs, and bright
things—like fireflies, stars, even a moon.
What
has often gotten me through depression is the lists I’ve made, at the advice of
my therapists. They are lists of what is good in my life.
Okay,
so this plague has robbed us, stolen our lives. We are now living in a
different historical era than we were a few short months ago. We’re in an
unimaginable place. Unfamiliar. Hostile even. For me, I can clearly see that
this intruder is out to kill me. I’m in the high-risk age group, and the
bad-lung group, plus some mitochondrial stuff that doesn’t help. So I’m on the
defensive. Many people don’t have to be so careful, or they think they don’t
have to. Some healthy, young people have been fatally stricken, to everyone’s
surprise.
Meanwhile,
we’re learning to live in this alien landscape. We avoid crowds, or even, my
case, most people. We pay attention and make sure everything is clean. We buy
or make masks to protect each other (if we’re good people).
And
that list? It’s still there. I still have many of the good things I’ve always
had.
I have these.
-The
love of my family, scattered across the country and even across the globe, into
Europe.
-Many
phone calls and other communication.
-The
warm camaraderie of my writing colleagues online.
-An
occupation I love, goals that keep me occupied, even when I can’t do everything
I want to.
-Shelter,
food, clothing, heat and AC, trash pickup.-Doctors at my beck and call by phone
or video, or even face to face if I need to do that.
-The
daily newspaper. (I know, that seems trivial, but I love the comics and puzzles.)
-So
many books I haven’t yet read.-
-New
books coming out all the time.
-My
music, which I’ve neglected lately and am going back to in a small way.
-A
spectacular yard, with roses and irises now, after a progression for the last
couple of months, although those plants are really kicking up my allergies.
-Good
neighbors who all keep track of each other.
---NEW:
Social distancing walks with my local family, me on one side of the street,
them on the other.
I don’t have these any longer:
-New
episodes of Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy!
-The
news, which I used to watch, but no longer can.
-Dinner
out with my kids and grandkids, and eating together at our houses.
-The
joy of driving my grandkids to lessons and classes.
-Their
hugs.
BUT,
most of the items in the second list will come back in due time. And that first
list is a lot longer.
What
do you miss? What do you take joy in now? What are you looking forward to
getting back…some day?
Images from Pixabay.com, Morguefile.com;
roses are mine—aren’t they gorgeous?
